It’s Sunday again!!! The start of the new week, yay! Another day closer to finals and the end of semester. Last week flew by reeeeeally quickly. There were moments here and there that I really enjoyed, but mostly it was mixed feelings that I felt. Does that even make sense?

If you knew me in real life, whenever I try to explain or state something, it’s always followed by that question: Does that even make sense? Which makes me think that I should try to be more confident. Note to self: just act like you know what you’re doing and everybody will believe you, and you yourself may start to believe in you. Fake it till you make it!

But without further adieu, volume three of The Sunday Currently!

C U R R E N T L Y

Wearing

A University of Wollongong hoodie that my friend got me from when they went to the uni’s orientation day. Orange Adidas shirt I’ve had for forever. REEEAAAALLY comfy polyester navy pajama pants with pink polkadots that are 2 inches longer than my legs.

UOW student to me, a UNSW student:

Feeling

Melancholic. As I’ve said, I’ve been feeling really… unbalanced the whole week. One time, I’m happy, next minute I feel like I don’t belong. And then, I’m hating myself for not being able to socialise well with my ‘friends’.

Thinking

About happenings that occurred last night at my friend’s eighteenth birthday party. (Happy birthday, Annie!) I’m really sorry about the fact that you guys had to put up with… slightly drunk Justine.

Wishing

I had a birthday party. Or that I have one next year. I don’t know. I’m too scared to ask. My mum doesn’t like me drinking. I don’t have a place to set it in. Also, budget. And who to invite.

Watching

“One Day at a Time”, a new TV show I just started. I’m two episodes in and I’m loving it. Also, been marathoning the James Bond movies with my brother in law, every week. We watched “Goldfinger” last week, and this week we finished Pierce Brosnan’s “GoldenEye”, “Tomorrow Never Dies”, and “The World is Not Enough”. I’ll expand on my thoughts on these movies once we’ve finished Brosnan’s run and the more recent ones.

Reading

Well, I’ve been trying to read the second book in the Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard, “Glass Sword”, but because I haven’t read the first book in two years, I’m kind of diving head first into forgotten territories. I’m too lazy to re-read “Red Queen”, maybe I’ll Wikipedia it.

Rediscovering

My passion for design. I started using Adobe Illustrator again. I designed the header for this post. Yes, I know it's crappy, but I'm working on being better.

Wanting

To start drawing, sketching, and designing again. Should I get a sketchbook? But I always end up wasting paper.

Hoping

That the exercise routine I started will keep up. I decided to walk home from the train station after uni every day. It’s a fifteen minute walk and an uneven pathway – lots of ups and downs – but I can do it! Plus, I got my music to accompany me. By the time I get two houses before ours, I’d always wish that I’d taken a longer path, cause I do start to enjoy it.

I’ll keep this sweet and short – just like me. Till next time!

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!

We are not lovers,

Barely friends,

Just two strangers sitting on a bench.

We exchange stories-

Of sunsets missed,

Of strangers walking past,

Of laughter unheard,

Of smiles unseen.

We do not know what tomorrow holds.

Though, I am glad

That we are more than strangers now.

We do not miss the sunset-

We watch as the golden rays paint

Its canvas, the clouds, soft hues

Of pink, and red, and orange.

Strangers walk past us,

They are heading home

For it is getting cold.

The street lamps light up,

Yet two friends still sit on a park bench,

Exchanging the music of our anxieties.

The streets are quieter,

We are friends, not strangers.

Holding hands, we smile

As we exchange the harmonies of our worries

Of how our future's reeling in,

As our minds reel back

To the film of our pasts.

We are not strangers,

For my heart recognises

The smile on your lips and your eyes,

The quiet laughter from your throat.

For we are friends on a park bench.

jvs

Do you know that feeling after finishing a good book or a series? That sense of feeling lost and not knowing what to do?

Well, that feeling times two is how I feel right now. It’s melancholy and a kind of yearning for the past- that kind of longing to be able to enjoy those beautiful moments in the past again.

I recently just finished Jenny Han’s Always and Forever, Lara Jean. I spent two evenings devouring it. It was fucking beautiful. Before you start reading this, a little disclaimer: there will be spoilers.

My initial thoughts upon reading the book was that “oh crap, I won’t feel the same way as I felt in the first book, a feeling that accompanies being an in-love seventeen year old”. I’m nineteen now, and already nearly finished a semester in university, and in the novel, they are both only in their senior years of high school. Mind you, when I first read the series, I was seventeen- I was the same age as them and I was very much into contemporary YA romance.

I really thought I’d outgrown them- that I wouldn’t know how it feels like to be a teenager, to be a high schooler, to be in love. I thought I kind of felt like Margot, Lara Jean’s older sister, kind of out of place, even though when all I should feel is familiarity when I’m home. Does that make sense?

Maybe not. Some background and recap: Margot decided that she would leave her hometown for a college in Scotland. That was when Lara Jean’s adventures began (in the first book). A year later, in the third book, Margot comes back home for the holiday and she realises that while she was away, the world hadn’t stopped spinning. The dynamics in their house- her home- has changed… without her.

But as I turned each page, savoured every words… I didn’t feel like Margot, I didn’t feel out of place or out of the loop. Each and every word Jenny Han wrote onto the page, they resonated with me.

I haven’t fallen in love. But her words familiarise me with the feelings. “You fall in love, and nothing seems truly scary anymore, and life is one big possibility.” When Lara Jean says these words, they are in the rooftop of a New York skyscraper, overlooking the city. And I see it. I see how love makes you unafraid of things, and that allows you to give all the possibilities in life a chance. I see myself, a small figure, standing in that rooftop, looking over that large city and thinking that I could take on that city- and maybe even the world- all because of love. I’ve never fallen in love… Well, not yet anyways.

But that’s not the part that hits me. It’s when Lara Jean feels that sense of anxiety about change, about closing a chapter in her life: high school. It made me feel really nostalgic, and joy, and warmth, and sadness. “But it feels like everything all around me is shifting in ways I didn’t expect, when all I want is for things to stand still.”

While reading that, I couldn’t help but bring to mind a memory of free period with the randomest people, some of them were my friends, some of them just peers who I see around, some of them classmates I’ve never once talked to in my life. But there we were, in free period, bonding over our hatred of BOSTES or the English syllabus, laughing at memes, talking about TV shows… People got closer and people drifted apart.

There was a dent in my relationship with a close friend, but I also threaded a neater relationship with acquaintances who became friends. By formal night, I realised that some friends were not meant to be kept forever and they must stay as nothing more than memories. Sad, right?

Things changed a lot, and a little too quickly, that last year of high school. And little did I, nor my cohort, have any idea just how much change in that little time would happen. It was happening all too fast, and I knew time was ticking, days would pass and the timer would hit stop- STOP for we would not hang out anymore. And sometimes I wanted to hit pause, because I couldn’t imagine not being in the same room as these people, let alone be in different campuses. At the same time, I was excited to be finally finished with high school. It was the allure of finally being in University, adventures!!! And I couldn’t wait for graduation, because there were things I was looking forward to after graduation- sleeping in, no homework, and of course, Umina beach with my friends...

I agree that “The end of school always has a particular feeling to it. It’s the same every year, but this year the feeling is amplified, because there won’t be a next year. There’s an air of things closing down.” To not be expected to come back to school in the next term, unlike the junior years, was such a weird feeling. Weren’t we just Year 7s yesterday, little scrawny kids that were thrown off by how big the school is, who got lost and have to ask in their little voices where the Food Tech rooms were? Year 7s, who after summer break would come back as Year 8, then Year 9. No we weren’t. And we weren’t the same people as we were then.

“Suddenly, life feels fast and slow at the same time.” It was like a timelapse in my head, Biology class with Cynthia, Zaheda, Laurena, Adam, and Adrian, and Neil! When our Biology teacher would wave off Cynthia being late to class! And we’d share food around. In Software, we’d play halo and Rami’s all smug about winning. The boys would give me shit for dropping the subject. Then there’s Extension English class, not our Year 12 class, but the Year 11 one, when Rami would always argue with our teacher and all the girls about feminism and whatnot. Oh, and Business class! As much as it annoyed me, I miss it- being teased about some guy in my class, which escalated outside of that class, until everyone else were teasing me. English class, where all the discussions were all so intelligent- I loved that. And staying up late doing assessments, writing my major work for Extension English 2, reading books for pleasure, chatting with my friends. And all the times we were acting like kids when we were really the seniors in our school- playing hide and seek, water fights, running around the courtyards, being as loud as we were because we were kings. How did I ever think that the HSC was a slow, painful torture, when it happened by so fast?

When Lara Jean didn’t get into the college that she wanted, my heart broke for her. I know that feeling of hoping of getting something that you’ve wanted so badly and feeling like you’ve almost got it, but not getting it anyway. What a cruel trick, Universe.

Apart from the nostalgia, I really enjoyed how Lara Jean and Peter’s relationship have progressed since the first book. They really grew together, and I hope they grow old together. 

Jenny Han really modelled the kind of romantic relationship that I want. “I could never be with someone who didn’t understand how important my family is to me.” If somebody asked me what kind of personality I’m looking for in a guy, the list always includes “understanding”. The guy has to be understanding and patient with me. He has to understand that my first priority is my family. Even if it annoys him, or me, in a time of crisis, if my family ever asks for my help, then I’ll be there for them.

I loved seeing Peter and Kitty interact once more. I loved their antics in the earlier novels and Han didn’t disappoint in bringing that back. And how Peter tries to impress Lara Jean's family... Peter’s sweetness, his loyalty, his charm, his flaws. It made me sad. Because I may never be able to find a guy like Peter K. I know he’s fictional, and that makes me even sadder, knowing he could never be real. He’s only a character that embodies all my ideals. And I’m sad to leave this delightful world behind.

 

“We’re not the same as Margot and Sanderson or anybody else. We’re you and me.”

I really, really love that quote. It's probably one of my favourites in the series. It reminds me of my absolute favourite quote, which I'm hoping to keep to myself for now... But this quote right here, it shows that this is Lara Jean's and Peter's love story, and their love story is unique, just like how yours (and your partner's) is unique. Don't compare yours to others, because yours is beautiful as it is. It's really how you deal with the Universe's obstacles that determine your fate. Of course, in my opinion, while destiny still plays a part, it is still in your hands to grab the opportunities.

PS: “The Middle of Starting Over” by Sabrina Carpenter is the perfect soundtrack for this series. The lyrics Tired of all the troubles they’ve been wasting my time I don’t wanna fight gonna leave it all behind… and the upbeat tone really captures Lara Jeans’ personality. 

Always and forever,

Justine

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

PS: I Still Love You

So when I saw the trailer for La La Land (2016) I was beyond excited. For one, it had the old Hollywood spirit- the fashion and set designs were 50s-inspired. It reminded of films such as Rebel Without a Cause (1955) and Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961). Ha! Don’t be fooled by my knowledge of said films! Rebel was a set text for one of my English classes in senior year of high school, while I watched Tiffany’s out of pure curiosity and I wanted to know why it was so popular and how it remained relevant.

The fact that Emma Stone was a lead also piqued my interest in seeing La La Land. (I wasn’t a huge fan of Ryan Gosling until I saw him in Crazy, Stupid Love (2011) with Stone. And yes, I’ve watched The Notebook (2004) and I don’t know… I didn’t like it- I felt it was too dramatic and… overrated. Though, I adore Rachel McAdams.) I’m a huuuuuge fan of Emma Stone. I really liked her in Easy A (2011), but I only really took notice of her when she played Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), and by that time, I knew she and Andrew Garfield (who plays Spidey) are faces to look out for. I watched their interviews and followed their careers. THEY WERE SO CUTE OK.




They were so genuine (as individuals and as a couple)! And you know how I love strongly like genuine people. They were just so real in front of the cameras. And yes, I was affected by their breakup. IT. FUCKING. HURTS.


Anyways. La La Land.

The aesthetic of it all!!!!!!!!! I love, love, love beautiful cinematography. Ask the people who I talk to about films. I don’t shut up about the cinematography of a movie. The fashion. The music. The sunsets, the night skies, the cityscapes. The staaaaars. Goodness, I love the stars- not the celebrities, but the stars in the sky on the cover.

Okay, so I finally watched it… just last night. While I do admire the movie- the romanticism of it all, the soundtrack, the acting, the lines- I wasn’t completely sold. It was a story of regret. As I’ve mentioned earlier, I like happy endings. But this was just sad. They made each other happy, they loved each other. Why didn’t they make it work? Why didn’t they find each other after they got their lives together? Now she has to live a life without him. A life with another man, who I’m not sold that she loves enough to make her happy. Or maybe they just didn’t show her falling in love with the guy. Still. Why didn’t Mia look for Seb? Or why didn’t Seb look for Mia?

At the end of the movie, we know that Seb lives alone and does not have a partner. Actually, it was just implied. But still. Does that mean he waited for her? And he wouldn’t have had closure if they didn’t run into each other that night? Okay, maybe we don’t know that for sure, but the look that they shared- the nostalgia and sense of regret and what could’ve been as he played their love song- does that not infer that?

Okay, so maybe, that’s just life. Things work out, and things don’t. Fairy tales do not translate to reality. I’ll give them that. I’m a hopeless romantic, not a senseless, irrational person who believes that the world is all rainbows and butterflies (it’s not).

I have two more questions. If one feels that sense of regret and find themselves dreaming of the what-ifs in their life, are they truly happy with where they are now? Is a life well-lived if it's full of regrets?

Furthermore, it was a story with jazz music as a key element- yet I barely saw any black people? There was John Legend, but when he appeared, I felt like he was there as a cameo and he didn’t give the story any substance, apart from distancing Sebastian (Gosling) away from Mia (Stone). Yes, I’m opening this conversation.

It was only last year that I really took notice of the lack of diversity- particularly Asians- on the big screen. Chloe Bennet, who stars as Daisy Johnson on Agents of SHIELD (2013), speaking out about Gigi Hadid’s racist gesture really opened my eyes about the lack of Asian roles in Hollywood. Her interview here also really put things in perspective.

So yeah. Representation matters.

I won’t hate the film for what it isn’t. I enjoyed it, but I hope they- the producers, writers, directors, actors, whoever decide to put these things in production- I hope they have learned that a successful project is one of authenticity and to be authentic, you have to do your research and be true to the context. I love the soundtrack and lines and the fashion and the cinematography and most of the writing. And I do wish that we got to know more about the other characters- Mia's friends and husband, and Seb's sister and his family.

One of the most memorable quotes that I found in the movie was “People love what other people are passionate about.” It was a line that Mia said to Sebastian on dinner, and this was at the verge of their breakup. And it rings so true. I’m not artist nor am I a professional critic, but artistic works of art (films, music, paintings, poetry, books) made out of love truly make them extraordinary. It reminds me and inspires me to do what I love.

Another quote was “This is not your dream.” This was in the same scene as the former quote. While you have to compromise for things you cannot achieve yet, don’t forget who you are. Keep true to yourself because if not, then you won’t be truly and genuinely happy.

PS- this is so me when I'm driving and people are doing stupid things on the road: