He’s the kind of guy you introduce to your parents

Because you know they’ll love him instantly

Not because he’s amazing, or impressive

But because they know you’re in good hands.

They know you’re in good hands

Because they know he won’t break your heart

Because they know that you’ll be the one doing the heartbreaking

Because you know that the world is cruel place

And you can’t afford to scratch your perfectly good heart.

You almost feel sorry for him

Because you know that he’s an amazing guy,

Impressive, above intelligent, kind, sweet

You could go on and on and on about the goodness in him

He’s an angel in your eyes, in everybody’s eyes

Yet you all know he’s just human.

To be human

Is to hurt

Is to feel pain

And to cause pain.

You’re all too familiar

Yet too naïve.

I know I’ve been changing

Life’s been rearranging

I’m on the train on my way home from uni, listening to “Moments” by Bliss n Eso. Can you believe that there’s only a few more weeks left in the semester? Soon, it’ll be exam time! In the meantime…

My mind’s been so jittery(?) the past few days. It’s become an itch at the small of my back that I can’t quite reach. There’s so much to write about that I don’t know where to start. My teacher once said to just start writing, anywhere, and that should kick start your essay, or in this case, blog entry.

Honestly, I’ve been putting off writing this, only because I wanted to write a “2017 in Review” section later on. Though my fingers are twitching to write about my experiences so far in university as a first year student.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, I started studying B. Biotechnology at UNSW this year (2017 – for those who live under a rock). UNSW is one of the most prominent universities in Australia – maybe even in the world -, and was established in 1949 and only offered courses in engineering. Today, it has eight faculties, ranging from Art to Science to Business.

UNSW has a huge campus. It has its own postcode, for goodness’ sake! When I started high school at Moorebank, I was amazed by how big the place was, it took time to recognise the rooms I had classes in. But my high school – nor my experiences during those years – cannot compare to this institution – nor my newfound experiences from just this year.

And I'm on my way

I still remember these old country lanes

When we did not know the answers

I’m on the floor as I’m writing now, in the middle of swapping my winter clothes for my summer ones. It’s Friday and I’m listening to an Ed Sheeran playlist. I think it’s important that I tell you this because it’s true. It’s true because my life right now has been so hectic – a buzz of unfinished activities. I guess that’s common with uni students, especially the professional procrastinators – like me.

It’s not all sticks and stones – I mean, you get assignments and tests and early classes, but that’s not what uni is just all about. There are plenty of opportunities to socialise and make friends.

Earlier this year, in my first semester, I went to the Science Society camp, where I made a lot of amazing friends.

The days leading up to the camp filled me with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. I didn’t know anyone in the society so I didn’t know any of the people going. Though, I was really glad that I had attended. The SciSoc committee organised some team-building activities that everyone was really keen for and kept us engaged and allowed us to get to know each other. There was dancing, there was some alcohol… and subsequently a lot of colourful chunder that was cleaned up by the trusty members of the committee.

After SciSoc camp, a lot of us first year Science students became acquainted with each other. We even realised that we were mostly in the same classes together. So we sat together during lectures and we met up for lunch after tutorials or labs.

Now it’s semester two and I have even more friends.

They’re called the “BSoc Ball Fam” because we decided to attend the Business Society’s Ball as a group (checkout my vlog for this). We have a group chat on Facebook, which is always never quiet. It’s funny cause Alice and I were hesitating to go beforehand, since we had a bad experience with going to an event with a big group of people (that’s a story for another day). Now, we’re really close with the people in the chat. We hang out a lot during our free time. Not a day goes by that we don’t talk to each other.

I also joined the Biotechnology and Biomolecular Society this semester with Alice. Together, we ran an online photo competition through the society’s official Facebook page. In the annual general meeting, we acquired executive positions – Alice as the Marketing and Advertising Coordinator and I as the Social Events Coordinator.

What do those titles really mean? They sound so fancy, don’t they?

Well, Alice’s role is to promote – publicise our events so our peers are aware of them. My role is to brainstorm ideas for these events and then organise and plan them. We just finished our Careers Night event, which Alice publicised by posting memes on BABSoc’s Facebook page. Currently, I’m planning a Halloween-themed bash to mark the end of another year. I won’t say more about it because it’s still on the works. Though hopefully, it will be a success.

This year, I’ve also become better friends with some of my high school peers. We spend more time now as we catch the train/bus together to and from uni. In our free time in between classes, we play card games or, when we need to, we study together.

Then there are people who we meet, but are only there temporarily… maybe they’re there to push you down so you can learn resilience, maybe they’re supposed to be the one that breaks your heart so you can meet the one, maybe they just wanted to give back the $50 note that you dropped. These people are lessons.

A lesson that teaches you the value of trust. A lesson that teaches you that falling for his face doesn’t make him more interesting, nor is he interested in you. A lesson that teaches you that there are two sides to every story and all you need to do is listen.

I’m glad for meeting these peoples. Heartaches and all.

How have you been? It has been quite a while, hasn't it? Can you believe that it's 2018 in 4 months?

I’ve been well. I’m content, and I’m enjoying the life that Universe has offered me. I’m doing awesomely in my classes – well, I’d like to hope so. By “awesomely”, I mean that I’m participating and asking the questions that I need clarified and answering the questions thrown at me by the tutors. I haven’t complained about my classes – apart from how I have to attend the marketing lectures because they mark attendance. I know, right? 

Anyways. I’m really loving BABS lab this semester. Alice is in it, too, which made making friends a lot easier. I don’t know why but when I’m with another friend, I’m more confident than when I’m alone. Take last semester, while I did become friends with some of my lab mates, it was a friendship that was happened upon in the laboratory and nothing more outside. It’s not their fault. I just felt that there was a barrier in between the inside and outside of the lab. We never met up out of class, apart from being forced to at the end of semester to finish off our group projects.

Economics is also alright. It’s a lot of content and a lot to get through. But my tutor really cares about us understanding the concepts. So he was more than happy to go through the topics covered for the week when I asked him to. For some reason, I had no shame in asking about it, unlike last semester, where I was always hesitant about asking my Finance tutor about stuff I didn’t understand. I guess, it’s more the atmosphere in the room? When I raised my hand about the Economics topics, I felt that half the room was relieved that somebody had asked. So, take note, just ask.

I’m loving Marketing. Despite my constant complaints about the lectures, this class is probably one of my favourites. I love the discussion that happens in the tutorials. I actually raise my hands to contribute! Me! (I mean, I did it the first few times in BABS last semester, it’s just I felt discouraged after my demonstrator kept giving me the “WTF is she talking about look”.) In this class, it’s a real discussion! People add to your argument OR they refute it! Each time I raise my hand, I feel more confident.

Statistics is funny. We’ve got this lecturer and he’s quite attractive, with really niiiiice blue eyes. Every time we go to our lecture, Alice and I just make googly eyes at him. He’s super nice, too, with such smooth voice. Izzy, this girl I met in Chemistry last sem (which I dropped), is also in our Statistics (lecture) and BABS (we’re lab partners!). It’s great because I’m getting to know her more. She was very quiet when I first met her, and very mindful.

Apart from that, I’ve also been vlogging. I’m really enjoying it! Like putting together beautiful sceneries and shots, layering it with great music. I love experimenting with different camera techniques. But I’ve yet to master colour correcting and having a steady hand. Though, I really do need some more confidence.

I’ve been listening to the Ted Talk podcasts every few days. Sometimes I go to their Youtube channel and read through the comments. It’s good to read through them because you get to see different perspectives. I love the Talks because I’m learning a lot from it, and they remind me to be mindful and not just think about myself. Because I’m not the only one experiencing the hardships of life, and I’m not the only one benefitting from Mother Earth.

Though, Jimmy Lin’s Talk “A simple new blood test that can catch cancer early” is the one that really stayed with me for days. It’s amazing what we have achieved as humans, and it’s amazing that every day, we find new ways to live through the challenges that are hurled at us. This talk has really put into perspective the things that have been accomplished and what else can be accomplished. It gave me a “tomorrow” that I’m really, really, really excited to experience. It really solidified my stance on the course that I am studying, Biotechnology. It made me want to do this course because I realised that there are so many people that need help, who can be helped.

Here are a few other Ted Talks that resonated with me:

5 ways to listen better | Julian Treasure

Your body language may shape who you are | Amy Cuddy

A young poet tells the story of Darfur | Emtithal Mahmoud

The manipulative tricks tech companies use to capture your attention | Tristan Harris

What do you think when you look at me? | Dalia Mogahed

12 truths I learned from life and writing | Anne Lamott

It was an addiction. The way a gambler could not let go of the slots. The way an alcoholic holds onto their bottle of vodka as if it was their dear life. The way an arsonist just could not stop themselves from lighting the matchstick.

I could not stop. It exhausted me; it burned my every being until I was charcoal, until I was ash. I am a phoenix. For in the next morning, I burn a different light.

It goes on and on and on. It sucks the light out of me, it vacuums me into an abyss.

Every day, I am deeper into this chasm.

The adrenaline that I feel when I do it, it is enough to keep me going. Barely. The consequences are much severe. I am addicted to that adrenaline. The pretences. A secret told to Nobody. A lightless phoenix at the end of the day, it was worth it.

Just got back from Rhodes, where we take advantage of the $10 movies at Reading Cinema. We watched Spiderman: Homecoming. It was great! Good mix of action and comedy, and a little bit of Tony Stark. Not going to say much about it because I don’t want to spoil it!!! Though, I can’t wait for it to come out in Blu-ray so I can have my annual Marvel marathon.

So here’s Sunday Currently Volume 4!

C U R R E N T L Y

Wearing

A pastel pink knitted cardigan over a creamy white knitted sweater and black singlet. Also wearing green cargo pants and these cute socks.

Watching

Lip Sync Battle with the sister, the brother-in-law, and the niece. We’re all sitting on the couch with lots of blankets around us. It’s sooooooo cold.

Drinking

Warm water with lemon and a bit of honey. I’m siiiiick. Again. My throat actually hurts from coughing. Also, have not had a day off where I spend the whole day in bed in ages.

Thinking

Of how awesome Spiderman was!!! Actually shipping Zendaya’s MJ and Tom Holland’s Peter Parker, even though they aren’t love interests in this movie. Perhaps in the future?

Wondering

If we’ll see Silk as part of the MCU in the near future! And Spider-Woman and Miles Morales and Spider-Gwen and Ms. Marvel!!!

Feeling

Exhausted. I was thrusted into sudden motion the past week – upon getting two jobs at once, and going out two nights in a row, I haven’t had time to catch my breath. Also, drama. There’s been drama with some people, that I hope to elaborate soon in a future post, re: social media and feminism.

Working

On a video that I hope to turn into a vlog. I’m starting a Youtube channel, with lifestyle and travel videos just like Wil Dasovich’s and vloggers of the like.

Laughing

At the sister as she attempts to do sit-ups. It’s funny watch her struggle.

Loving

The fact that I now have a job!!! While pay is not that good, it’s the work experience that matters. This job was actually handed to me in a silver platter.

So I walk into the pharmacy to buy medicine for Kaden and I. The manager asks me if I was a university student and if I wanted a job at that pharmacy. I was like: “Do you have a vacancy?!” I handed in my resume two days later for I had been busy with another work that I have been contracted to do. The pharmacy lady interviewed me on the spot, which took me off-guard, but there I was, given a shift for Saturday (yesterday).

Wanting

For my pay for my other job to arrive soon!!! I want to buy materials for sem two. I need new notebooks from Typo and pens from Muji.

Wishing

To find a great book to read. Also, to find the motivation I need to finally start studying Chemistry.

Hoping

For an awesome week!!!

With this, I’ll leave you all to it! Have an amazing week!

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!

Before Bliss, there was Loneliness and I. He was intertwined with my soul, where I went, there he was. He was there, by my side, even when we were engulfed by other people’s gazes. He sat with me, on the park bench and we waited for the bus to arrive.

And then Bliss arrived. I was enchanted by his charm. I dared smile, and laugh, and dance to the music. Bliss sparked the fireworks, igniting colours, which demolished the bubble around my heart. I felt it beat then. Thump. Thump. Thump.

I should have known that Bliss – that Bliss was a butterfly. His wings flittered, soft and unassuming, and he fluttered around me – I, who was enthralled by this beauty in front of me.

Until one day, I realised that he had flitted away, without a goodbye, without one last look. He left, leaving only a faint memory of our time together.

“Did he leave to his own accord?” questioned Doubt. “Or did you shoo him away?”

Doubt was no friend of mine. I don’t really remember when I first encountered her, or how. She was just there, she was there even before Loneliness became my companion in life. Doubt was there – she is here now.

“I’m here.” Loneliness took my hands in his. He let me place my head on his shoulder. The sun set, golden light caressed the purple sky one last time. They would see each other again tomorrow. That was my undoing. My tears soaked Loneliness’ shoulder.

When Bliss came to visit once again, I welcomed him. But I didn’t let him fool me. When he left, I didn’t cry for him. I didn’t let him fool me.

jvs 

It’s Sunday again!!! The start of the new week, yay! Another day closer to finals and the end of semester. Last week flew by reeeeeally quickly. There were moments here and there that I really enjoyed, but mostly it was mixed feelings that I felt. Does that even make sense?

If you knew me in real life, whenever I try to explain or state something, it’s always followed by that question: Does that even make sense? Which makes me think that I should try to be more confident. Note to self: just act like you know what you’re doing and everybody will believe you, and you yourself may start to believe in you. Fake it till you make it!

But without further adieu, volume three of The Sunday Currently!

C U R R E N T L Y

Wearing

A University of Wollongong hoodie that my friend got me from when they went to the uni’s orientation day. Orange Adidas shirt I’ve had for forever. REEEAAAALLY comfy polyester navy pajama pants with pink polkadots that are 2 inches longer than my legs.

UOW student to me, a UNSW student:

Feeling

Melancholic. As I’ve said, I’ve been feeling really… unbalanced the whole week. One time, I’m happy, next minute I feel like I don’t belong. And then, I’m hating myself for not being able to socialise well with my ‘friends’.

Thinking

About happenings that occurred last night at my friend’s eighteenth birthday party. (Happy birthday, Annie!) I’m really sorry about the fact that you guys had to put up with… slightly drunk Justine.

Wishing

I had a birthday party. Or that I have one next year. I don’t know. I’m too scared to ask. My mum doesn’t like me drinking. I don’t have a place to set it in. Also, budget. And who to invite.

Watching

“One Day at a Time”, a new TV show I just started. I’m two episodes in and I’m loving it. Also, been marathoning the James Bond movies with my brother in law, every week. We watched “Goldfinger” last week, and this week we finished Pierce Brosnan’s “GoldenEye”, “Tomorrow Never Dies”, and “The World is Not Enough”. I’ll expand on my thoughts on these movies once we’ve finished Brosnan’s run and the more recent ones.

Reading

Well, I’ve been trying to read the second book in the Red Queen series by Victoria Aveyard, “Glass Sword”, but because I haven’t read the first book in two years, I’m kind of diving head first into forgotten territories. I’m too lazy to re-read “Red Queen”, maybe I’ll Wikipedia it.

Rediscovering

My passion for design. I started using Adobe Illustrator again. I designed the header for this post. Yes, I know it's crappy, but I'm working on being better.

Wanting

To start drawing, sketching, and designing again. Should I get a sketchbook? But I always end up wasting paper.

Hoping

That the exercise routine I started will keep up. I decided to walk home from the train station after uni every day. It’s a fifteen minute walk and an uneven pathway – lots of ups and downs – but I can do it! Plus, I got my music to accompany me. By the time I get two houses before ours, I’d always wish that I’d taken a longer path, cause I do start to enjoy it.

I’ll keep this sweet and short – just like me. Till next time!

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!

We are not lovers,

Barely friends,

Just two strangers sitting on a bench.

We exchange stories-

Of sunsets missed,

Of strangers walking past,

Of laughter unheard,

Of smiles unseen.

We do not know what tomorrow holds.

Though, I am glad

That we are more than strangers now.

We do not miss the sunset-

We watch as the golden rays paint

Its canvas, the clouds, soft hues

Of pink, and red, and orange.

Strangers walk past us,

They are heading home

For it is getting cold.

The street lamps light up,

Yet two friends still sit on a park bench,

Exchanging the music of our anxieties.

The streets are quieter,

We are friends, not strangers.

Holding hands, we smile

As we exchange the harmonies of our worries

Of how our future's reeling in,

As our minds reel back

To the film of our pasts.

We are not strangers,

For my heart recognises

The smile on your lips and your eyes,

The quiet laughter from your throat.

For we are friends on a park bench.

jvs

Do you know that feeling after finishing a good book or a series? That sense of feeling lost and not knowing what to do?

Well, that feeling times two is how I feel right now. It’s melancholy and a kind of yearning for the past- that kind of longing to be able to enjoy those beautiful moments in the past again.

I recently just finished Jenny Han’s Always and Forever, Lara Jean. I spent two evenings devouring it. It was fucking beautiful. Before you start reading this, a little disclaimer: there will be spoilers.

My initial thoughts upon reading the book was that “oh crap, I won’t feel the same way as I felt in the first book, a feeling that accompanies being an in-love seventeen year old”. I’m nineteen now, and already nearly finished a semester in university, and in the novel, they are both only in their senior years of high school. Mind you, when I first read the series, I was seventeen- I was the same age as them and I was very much into contemporary YA romance.

I really thought I’d outgrown them- that I wouldn’t know how it feels like to be a teenager, to be a high schooler, to be in love. I thought I kind of felt like Margot, Lara Jean’s older sister, kind of out of place, even though when all I should feel is familiarity when I’m home. Does that make sense?

Maybe not. Some background and recap: Margot decided that she would leave her hometown for a college in Scotland. That was when Lara Jean’s adventures began (in the first book). A year later, in the third book, Margot comes back home for the holiday and she realises that while she was away, the world hadn’t stopped spinning. The dynamics in their house- her home- has changed… without her.

But as I turned each page, savoured every words… I didn’t feel like Margot, I didn’t feel out of place or out of the loop. Each and every word Jenny Han wrote onto the page, they resonated with me.

I haven’t fallen in love. But her words familiarise me with the feelings. “You fall in love, and nothing seems truly scary anymore, and life is one big possibility.” When Lara Jean says these words, they are in the rooftop of a New York skyscraper, overlooking the city. And I see it. I see how love makes you unafraid of things, and that allows you to give all the possibilities in life a chance. I see myself, a small figure, standing in that rooftop, looking over that large city and thinking that I could take on that city- and maybe even the world- all because of love. I’ve never fallen in love… Well, not yet anyways.

But that’s not the part that hits me. It’s when Lara Jean feels that sense of anxiety about change, about closing a chapter in her life: high school. It made me feel really nostalgic, and joy, and warmth, and sadness. “But it feels like everything all around me is shifting in ways I didn’t expect, when all I want is for things to stand still.”

While reading that, I couldn’t help but bring to mind a memory of free period with the randomest people, some of them were my friends, some of them just peers who I see around, some of them classmates I’ve never once talked to in my life. But there we were, in free period, bonding over our hatred of BOSTES or the English syllabus, laughing at memes, talking about TV shows… People got closer and people drifted apart.

There was a dent in my relationship with a close friend, but I also threaded a neater relationship with acquaintances who became friends. By formal night, I realised that some friends were not meant to be kept forever and they must stay as nothing more than memories. Sad, right?

Things changed a lot, and a little too quickly, that last year of high school. And little did I, nor my cohort, have any idea just how much change in that little time would happen. It was happening all too fast, and I knew time was ticking, days would pass and the timer would hit stop- STOP for we would not hang out anymore. And sometimes I wanted to hit pause, because I couldn’t imagine not being in the same room as these people, let alone be in different campuses. At the same time, I was excited to be finally finished with high school. It was the allure of finally being in University, adventures!!! And I couldn’t wait for graduation, because there were things I was looking forward to after graduation- sleeping in, no homework, and of course, Umina beach with my friends...

I agree that “The end of school always has a particular feeling to it. It’s the same every year, but this year the feeling is amplified, because there won’t be a next year. There’s an air of things closing down.” To not be expected to come back to school in the next term, unlike the junior years, was such a weird feeling. Weren’t we just Year 7s yesterday, little scrawny kids that were thrown off by how big the school is, who got lost and have to ask in their little voices where the Food Tech rooms were? Year 7s, who after summer break would come back as Year 8, then Year 9. No we weren’t. And we weren’t the same people as we were then.

“Suddenly, life feels fast and slow at the same time.” It was like a timelapse in my head, Biology class with Cynthia, Zaheda, Laurena, Adam, and Adrian, and Neil! When our Biology teacher would wave off Cynthia being late to class! And we’d share food around. In Software, we’d play halo and Rami’s all smug about winning. The boys would give me shit for dropping the subject. Then there’s Extension English class, not our Year 12 class, but the Year 11 one, when Rami would always argue with our teacher and all the girls about feminism and whatnot. Oh, and Business class! As much as it annoyed me, I miss it- being teased about some guy in my class, which escalated outside of that class, until everyone else were teasing me. English class, where all the discussions were all so intelligent- I loved that. And staying up late doing assessments, writing my major work for Extension English 2, reading books for pleasure, chatting with my friends. And all the times we were acting like kids when we were really the seniors in our school- playing hide and seek, water fights, running around the courtyards, being as loud as we were because we were kings. How did I ever think that the HSC was a slow, painful torture, when it happened by so fast?

When Lara Jean didn’t get into the college that she wanted, my heart broke for her. I know that feeling of hoping of getting something that you’ve wanted so badly and feeling like you’ve almost got it, but not getting it anyway. What a cruel trick, Universe.

Apart from the nostalgia, I really enjoyed how Lara Jean and Peter’s relationship have progressed since the first book. They really grew together, and I hope they grow old together. 

Jenny Han really modelled the kind of romantic relationship that I want. “I could never be with someone who didn’t understand how important my family is to me.” If somebody asked me what kind of personality I’m looking for in a guy, the list always includes “understanding”. The guy has to be understanding and patient with me. He has to understand that my first priority is my family. Even if it annoys him, or me, in a time of crisis, if my family ever asks for my help, then I’ll be there for them.

I loved seeing Peter and Kitty interact once more. I loved their antics in the earlier novels and Han didn’t disappoint in bringing that back. And how Peter tries to impress Lara Jean's family... Peter’s sweetness, his loyalty, his charm, his flaws. It made me sad. Because I may never be able to find a guy like Peter K. I know he’s fictional, and that makes me even sadder, knowing he could never be real. He’s only a character that embodies all my ideals. And I’m sad to leave this delightful world behind.

 

“We’re not the same as Margot and Sanderson or anybody else. We’re you and me.”

I really, really love that quote. It's probably one of my favourites in the series. It reminds me of my absolute favourite quote, which I'm hoping to keep to myself for now... But this quote right here, it shows that this is Lara Jean's and Peter's love story, and their love story is unique, just like how yours (and your partner's) is unique. Don't compare yours to others, because yours is beautiful as it is. It's really how you deal with the Universe's obstacles that determine your fate. Of course, in my opinion, while destiny still plays a part, it is still in your hands to grab the opportunities.

PS: “The Middle of Starting Over” by Sabrina Carpenter is the perfect soundtrack for this series. The lyrics Tired of all the troubles they’ve been wasting my time I don’t wanna fight gonna leave it all behind… and the upbeat tone really captures Lara Jeans’ personality. 

Always and forever,

Justine

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

PS: I Still Love You

So when I saw the trailer for La La Land (2016) I was beyond excited. For one, it had the old Hollywood spirit- the fashion and set designs were 50s-inspired. It reminded of films such as Rebel Without a Cause (1955) and Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961). Ha! Don’t be fooled by my knowledge of said films! Rebel was a set text for one of my English classes in senior year of high school, while I watched Tiffany’s out of pure curiosity and I wanted to know why it was so popular and how it remained relevant.

The fact that Emma Stone was a lead also piqued my interest in seeing La La Land. (I wasn’t a huge fan of Ryan Gosling until I saw him in Crazy, Stupid Love (2011) with Stone. And yes, I’ve watched The Notebook (2004) and I don’t know… I didn’t like it- I felt it was too dramatic and… overrated. Though, I adore Rachel McAdams.) I’m a huuuuuge fan of Emma Stone. I really liked her in Easy A (2011), but I only really took notice of her when she played Gwen Stacy in The Amazing Spider-Man (2012), and by that time, I knew she and Andrew Garfield (who plays Spidey) are faces to look out for. I watched their interviews and followed their careers. THEY WERE SO CUTE OK.




They were so genuine (as individuals and as a couple)! And you know how I love strongly like genuine people. They were just so real in front of the cameras. And yes, I was affected by their breakup. IT. FUCKING. HURTS.


Anyways. La La Land.

The aesthetic of it all!!!!!!!!! I love, love, love beautiful cinematography. Ask the people who I talk to about films. I don’t shut up about the cinematography of a movie. The fashion. The music. The sunsets, the night skies, the cityscapes. The staaaaars. Goodness, I love the stars- not the celebrities, but the stars in the sky on the cover.

Okay, so I finally watched it… just last night. While I do admire the movie- the romanticism of it all, the soundtrack, the acting, the lines- I wasn’t completely sold. It was a story of regret. As I’ve mentioned earlier, I like happy endings. But this was just sad. They made each other happy, they loved each other. Why didn’t they make it work? Why didn’t they find each other after they got their lives together? Now she has to live a life without him. A life with another man, who I’m not sold that she loves enough to make her happy. Or maybe they just didn’t show her falling in love with the guy. Still. Why didn’t Mia look for Seb? Or why didn’t Seb look for Mia?

At the end of the movie, we know that Seb lives alone and does not have a partner. Actually, it was just implied. But still. Does that mean he waited for her? And he wouldn’t have had closure if they didn’t run into each other that night? Okay, maybe we don’t know that for sure, but the look that they shared- the nostalgia and sense of regret and what could’ve been as he played their love song- does that not infer that?

Okay, so maybe, that’s just life. Things work out, and things don’t. Fairy tales do not translate to reality. I’ll give them that. I’m a hopeless romantic, not a senseless, irrational person who believes that the world is all rainbows and butterflies (it’s not).

I have two more questions. If one feels that sense of regret and find themselves dreaming of the what-ifs in their life, are they truly happy with where they are now? Is a life well-lived if it's full of regrets?

Furthermore, it was a story with jazz music as a key element- yet I barely saw any black people? There was John Legend, but when he appeared, I felt like he was there as a cameo and he didn’t give the story any substance, apart from distancing Sebastian (Gosling) away from Mia (Stone). Yes, I’m opening this conversation.

It was only last year that I really took notice of the lack of diversity- particularly Asians- on the big screen. Chloe Bennet, who stars as Daisy Johnson on Agents of SHIELD (2013), speaking out about Gigi Hadid’s racist gesture really opened my eyes about the lack of Asian roles in Hollywood. Her interview here also really put things in perspective.

So yeah. Representation matters.

I won’t hate the film for what it isn’t. I enjoyed it, but I hope they- the producers, writers, directors, actors, whoever decide to put these things in production- I hope they have learned that a successful project is one of authenticity and to be authentic, you have to do your research and be true to the context. I love the soundtrack and lines and the fashion and the cinematography and most of the writing. And I do wish that we got to know more about the other characters- Mia's friends and husband, and Seb's sister and his family.

One of the most memorable quotes that I found in the movie was “People love what other people are passionate about.” It was a line that Mia said to Sebastian on dinner, and this was at the verge of their breakup. And it rings so true. I’m not artist nor am I a professional critic, but artistic works of art (films, music, paintings, poetry, books) made out of love truly make them extraordinary. It reminds me and inspires me to do what I love.

Another quote was “This is not your dream.” This was in the same scene as the former quote. While you have to compromise for things you cannot achieve yet, don’t forget who you are. Keep true to yourself because if not, then you won’t be truly and genuinely happy.

PS- this is so me when I'm driving and people are doing stupid things on the road:

aaaaaaaand it's beeen a while!

Almost a year since I my first “Sunday Currently” edition. L

But here I am, back once more.

 The last time I wrote a “Sunday currently” post, I remember that it was during trials for the HSC and it was a time of mixed feelings and emotions- stress for the exams, relationships were being redefined, lack of care for the exams. It’s nearly been a year since then, and I can tell you that politics has become a tenser subject; I finished my major work for EE2; and that I don’t feel the same way that I did at the time.

Let’s get to the bottom of things!

C U R R E N T L Y

Wearing

A red jumper that I purchased in Hong Kong four-five years ago, red shorts from Palawan, red undies, and a washed out Big Bang Theory shirt from MovieWorld a couple years back.

Feeling

Tired and sick. I’m always feeling tired, tired of life and tired as in my body wants to give in and just disassemble. Though, as of the moment, I just feel… tired. If I close my eyes for just five seconds, everything would shut down. It’s not helping that my eyes are watery and my nose is runny. Yuck.

Sniffing.

Disgusting, I know. I guess the onset of winter, is getting to me. I better brace myself because winter is coming.

Thinking

Of too many things at once.

I’m thinking about the past year, how I’m not the same person as I was. I have a post dedicated to that- and hopefully, I’ll be able to finish and post it by the end of this week. It’s also in my mind how I don’t remember the exact feeling I had for that person I wrote about here last year. I don’t remember how “in a blissful state, kind of in love” feels like.

Wondering

How that “blissful state, kind of in love” feels like. How is that so many things have changed in such a short span of time?

Reading

Any and whatever poem that comes up as I scroll through my facebook and twitter feeds. I started reading “The Infinite Moment of Us” by Lauren Myracle. I’m only in the second chapter, I kind of relate to Wren’s character as I, too, don’t really know what I’m doing with my life, but I do know that I like to please people.

Hoping.

I’m studying Biotechnology at UNSW, but I don’t really know if I really want that. All I know is that I want to make my family proud. Also a career that would yield good fruits. I’m in my first year, still, so I hope by the end of my second year, I would have a solid understanding of this course and find that I have fallen in love with it. Hopefully.

Needing

A healthy lifestyle.

Contemplating

As always, going for a run every morning. This has been in my mind the past few months, I just haven’t gotten around to doing it. I want to start jogging and eat less junk food and more nutritious meals. I want to start taking care of my physical health.

Feeling

Guilty. (and I am aware that I have already listed the way I felt earlier, but I’m feeling so many things). Guilty because I know I’m not going to get right to it- living healthy, I mean. As I typed the last sentence in that previous paragraph, the first thing that popped in my head was “But will I? Just because I should does not mean that I would.”

Okay, but… If there’s a will, then there’s a way. I’ll get right on it… One step at a time.

For now, I bid you good night, dear reader… if there is any.

Oh! One last thing! Yes, I told him how I felt. He does not feel the same way.

I’m glad he didn’t. It wasn’t meant to work out, and I’m glad it didn’t. I shall elaborate in my next post!

Signing off,

Justine

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